Mostly I just putter.

Doctoral student, amateur cook, beginning sewer.

Mostly I just putter.

Friday, June 22, 2007

And lightness has a call that's hard to hear

The Mister and I went to Boulder to see Indigo Girls (opening act: Brandy Carlile) last night at the Chautauqua. I've been a fan since college and many of the songs transported me back to some of the best times with my favorite people. However, some of the sweetest times were when I was by myself--in particular, a memorable sunset as I'm driving my Ford Escort home for the weekend, over the Broadway Bridge to the sounds of "Galileo" and "Chickenman". It was during the college years, after I broke up with my high school sweetheart and especially after I bought my first car, that I really started to appreciate time by myself.

During my single years I started to resent all of the time alone. Although I lived in a chaotic environment with lots of activity, it still felt like I spent an inordinate time talking to myself instead of having real conversations. I developed some very close friendships during that time, but you can only go out so many nights a week. Eventually your bank account and your pillow will object.

Now I’m married and trying to find the right balance. The Mister’s job has always provided plenty of alone time—he works a lot of evenings and weekends and I’m a 7:30 to 4 kind of gal. That job is changing in the middle of August, and he’ll be home a lot more. I’m giddy as a schoolgirl over this development because it has been a long time overdue, but I also wonder…What will this mean for the marriage? I know we’ll get along just fine, but how long will it take us to find equilibrium? Will he respect the fact that I watch House Hunters every night at 5:30 and there will be no argument about that? Will he understand that some nights Cheerios are the best kind of dinner? Will there be adequate time to read and write in my journal? I guess we’ll work through that in August.

In the meantime, I think I’ll get in the car and drive with “Power of Two” cranked up as loud as I can stand it. Maybe even conjure up a good sunset.

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