Mostly I just putter.

Doctoral student, amateur cook, beginning sewer.

Mostly I just putter.

Monday, February 11, 2008


A decision has been made that has left me reeling. I am devastated, and while everyone else in the family seems to be moving on, moving forward, I feel stuck. Left behind. There's this ache in my chest that's been there for three months and doesn't ever move or get better. I keep wondering what would have happened if a different decision had been made here, or different words had been said there, but I have also known deep inside for a long time that this was the outcome we were headed for. This wave has been building, finally smashing into me, washing over me, and I am barely able to keep my head above water.

In the interest of good mental health and recovery, I've been trying to take good care of myself. Getting regular sleep and exercise, writing, sewing, spending time with people who will listen and care. The Mister has been a huge help, so has Henrietta. This weekend was one of the last hurdles of the transition into our new family life, so I'm hoping now to move forward with the rest of the family. To start swimming instead of treading water.

Image via geishaboy500


sulu-design said...

My goodness. I've come to this post late as I'd been out of town and them swamped upon my return, but I wanted to let you know I hope all is well as you deal with whatever decision was made. Your healthy approach is fantastic, and I wish you the best with it all.

Beulah Sorensen said...

Thank you! I'm getting better...

Anonymous said...

What decision was made? Am I, once again, the last to know? You know my address. And you know I love you and trust you.